Cheers to Giz for the loan of his headphones. Much less sound leakage than my Grados, pity they cost twice as much. Bah!

The cars suck because they’re appliances, designed to be driven by complacent incompetents. Designed not to be beautiful, or to be inspiring, but to fill market verticals and hit price points. To be safe and simple, to not ruffle any feathers.

This is what passes as a sporty car in 2010:

Squint a little and it’s a Prius.

Car companies suck because they’re ashamed of what they produce. Every press release reads like an apology: “Our latest version of this model consumes X less fuel and produces Y less hydrocarbons, and we’re really sorry – we’ll produce even less next time.” For fuck’s sake, all the fun has gone out of the industry.

The time to be interested in cars was either about 20 years ago, before the cars were loaded to the gills with air bags and reverse parking sensors that gave nebbishes the courage to tote their hateful children to the supermarket. Or in another 20-30 years from now when electric cars aren’t pathetic jokes.

Right now, the car is dead.

Nissan LEAF: The electric car with its head in the cloud

Most people are familiar by now with the concept of the hybrid car even if they have not driven one. A hybrid vehicle uses a combination of a conventional internal-combustion engine and an electric motor, the downside of which (from an environmental point of view) is that you’re consuming fuel. Conversely, an electric vehicle (EV) can potentially consume no fossil fuels whatsoever; the only means of propulsion is an electric motor. Without an extra source of fuel to extend the range, pure electric vehicles rely entirely on the capacity of the onboard battery.

It’s worth mentioning that batteries have not kept up with the rapid rate of improvement that other avenues of electronics have seen in the last four decades. A modern lithium-ion battery is superior to a lead-acid battery, true, but the level of improvement pales next to the advances made, for example, in transistor design. Metal-air batteries that promises up to a ten-fold energy improvement over lithium-ion are being developed but may not be available for automotive use before the end of the decade.

Nissan will be first to release a mass-market EV in Australia. The LEAF will be connected to the internet at all times and will use this connection to help you understand your range and modify your driving style to maximise it. It’s referred to as the Intelligent Transport system and ties your car to your PC, phone and Nissan’s global data centre.

While you’re away from your LEAF, the data centre has been keeping a watchful eye on the battery. It will have alerted you via your phone or computer if it needs charging or if the power cable has become dislodged. You can remotely instruct the car to warm the cabin in winter or cool it in summer so that you’re immediately comfortable for the trip. The car will also take advantage of offpeak electricity rates if instructed.

Once on the move, the IT system monitors the drain on the battery from the motor, air conditioning and stereo and projects how far you can travel with and without the creature comforts enabled. If it detects that you’re running low on power, it will request the location of the closest charging station from the data centre and plot a course on the satellite navigation.

And at the end of the trip, the integration between the car and the cloud services continues. Each LEAF has a personal web page – think of it as Facebook for cars. You’ll be able to access the page to configure the vehicle remotely or compare your economy in a global leaderboard.

Another benefit of a constant internet connection is the ability for the car’s computer to download firmware updates while charging, in much the same way as your PC or Mac does. As Nissan gets more data on real-world usage of the LEAF, they’ll be able to make improvements not only to the systems on-board but also to the services that their web page provides. Perhaps the LEAF will be the first car that actually gets better the longer you own it?

I stopped listening to the radio about 5 years ago and it only gets turned on when my car’s stereo decides the iPod connected to it doesn’t exist (ie, rarely). You’d think that I would have become one of those old farts that declares that everything that comes out these days is rubbish and what the kids should be listening to is Surfer Rosa.

But no… thanks to the South by Southwest feed I think I’ve been discovering more bands since I gave up on radio. Here’s some of what I’ve been listening to over the last year or so:

Band of Horses – Everything All the Time

I was just talking to somebody the other day about how hard it must be for a music journalist to get across what a band sounds like with only the printed page as a medium. Fortunately I have TEH POWARS OF WEBBIES and can show you that no, this singer doesn’t really sound like Wayne Coyne at all – what a lazy comparison.

This song is majestic.

Winterpills – The Light Divides

Is this too twee? IS IT?

Call it a palate cleanser – I can’t just listen to moody shite all the time.

Wintersleep – self-titled

At first I was worried that this band was too earnest, but then I realised they were just Canadian and couldn’t actually help it. Love this clip.

Plus/Minus – Holding Patterns

I had this track in my library for a couple of years before I finally got around to picking up the EP. Strong stuff, kind of reminds me of Seam if they’d bought a couple of keyboards.

The Asteroid #4 – These Flowers of Ours

Psychedelia done RIGHT.

The Last Town Chorus – Wire Waltz

I could only find a live track for this song but as this girl is talented, it hardly matters! Cross Cat Power with Mascott and there you go.

Decoder Ring – Fractions

Hopefully I can get more confident in myself and try to get out to see bands again, especially if we’re getting stuff like this locally.

Bedouin Soundclash – Street Gospels

This song came along at exactly the right moment to stop me falling completely inside myself and having a bit of a breakdown. For that I thank them mightily and will be seeing them in October at the Prince of Wales!

If there’s anything you think I’d enjoy, please add in the comments.

Should have some more stuff to upload sooner rather than later too.

What I find most interesting about the criticisms levelled at the 1 series is that they are often made by people who have either never owned the car or, and this is rather critical, ever actually driven one.

I will happily declare my interest here and tell you that I am the proud owner of a BMW 120d which followed a 120i. Clearly we were happy enough with our first purchase to ‘upgrade’ to the faster, more frugal 120d. So it was with some excitement that I was tossed the keys to a machine that I had built up in my head as the pick of the E81 range – the 123d M-Sport.

The 123d is the same engine as the now-superceded 120d and the current 118d but with an extra turbo bolted in. In Australia, the diesel options have been expanded since the 1′s launch in Australia, but the range is still not comparable to the extra choices available in Europe.

The excitement was tinged with nervousness – when we bought our 120i, they ‘lost’ it, so we were given a 118i M-sport for a few days and despite it being excellent for the driver, everyone else in the car complained bitterly. On all but the smoothest roads, the ride was like tobogganing down a flight of stairs and speed bumps caused the roof behind the b-pillar to be dented by bouncing craniums. So it came to pass that I was forbidden to specify the M-sport pack for the 120d.

So, given the short space of time which we would spend in the 123d, there was a lot of ground to cover. There was the school run through some back streets of Sydney’s southern suburbs, some highway running, a good dose of inner-urban crawling and the obligatory blast around some curvy bits.

The looks are often the subject of the worst criticisms. Flame-surfacing was always controversial but I like it. I think the outgoing 5- and 7-series look particularly striking and it certainly worked on the current Z4. The 1′s truncated rear-end gives it the appearance of a banana with one end brutally chopped off with the added impact on practicality being a very small boot. Having said that, the surfacing of the 1 is still terrific-looking, particularly when viewed head-on and the look is even better when the Xenon light rings are fitted. The M-Sport came with a set of beautiful 18-inch double-spoke wheels wrapped in some very grippy low-profile Bridgestones. Big wheels really help the 5-door and lift its appearance no end.

And thankfully, those wheels didn’t destroy the ride. In fact, the most remarkable thing about this car was that the ride was so much better than we’d remembered. Body control is excellent, it rides the bumps firmly but smoothly and the fidgetiness of the earlier car we’d tried was gone as was the post-drive search for our teeth fillings. The drama was replaced by even better turn-in than the standard car, beautifully communicative (rather than just plain heavy, as is often the case with ‘sporty’ cars) steering and sure-footedness I’d only experienced in two other cars – BMW’s own M3 and the Renaultsport Clio. The steering feel is much improved over the early electric steering which was introduced just over a year ago to save fuel, the chunky M steering wheel letting more useful information through with a better, more consistent weight.

You can fling this thing at anything and come through the other side without having to saw at the wheel because you pretty much never need to alter your line through a corner. The front end almost refuses to wash wide despite wet roads and deliberately ham-fisted driving conspiring to make it so and the rear is well reigned-in by the ever-improving DTC system. Even with DTC turned off and a very heavy right foot poking lots of torque into action, everything is controllable with hands and feet and divine intervention will only be required in cases of extreme stupidity.

This is where the accusation of pointlessness simply melts away for me. If you have one or two small children and don’t have to carry adults for long distances in the rear, this is a fine car for people who like driving, might have a young family but can’t stretch to the 3-series. The rear is tight and it’s really only a four-seater but reasonably tall people fit happily up front and I’ve never rubbed elbows, even with my formerly generously proportioned brother. It comes close to being all things to all people (as long as they’re reasonably small people in the back). Yes it’s a small car, but there’s as much room in the back of this as an A3 and a Lexus IS200. I’ll wear that for rear-wheel drive and so will you. Probably.

I’ve got a long way into this without expanding on something you’re probably quite keen to hear about – the engine. As I’ve already said, the engine is a twin-turbo version of the 120d’s 2-litre single turbo that normally graces our driveway, hence the 123 designation. The single-turbo is a strong unit, kicking out an improbable amount of power and torque that often needs a little grab of the rear brakes courtesy of the DTC when booted off the lights in the six-speed auto’s Sport mode. It can, however, be caught out when going for an ambitious overtaking manoeuvre or when breaking out of a sidestreet. As long as you know about it, it’s okay and, truth be told, I quite like the shove in the back you get when the turbo spools up and chucks you down the road on a wall of torque.

Initial impressions of the twin-turbo left me a scratching my head a bit. It didn’t feel that much faster off the line and it didn’t really feel all that more powerful. On paper there’s more power and more torque (150kW vs 130kW, 400Nm vs 340Nm)(interestingly, the beautiful 130i’s 3.0 six has only 315Nm of torque) but I wasn’t so sure. It just didn’t feel right, something was missing. It took a few more miles before I worked it out.

The engine’s character is markedly different to the single turbo. Whereas the 120d needs a bit of work to get going (although it’s nothing like the sluggardly atmo 2.0 petrol which was achingly slow), the 123d’s smaller first turbo is already moving before you need it. It feels like a smooth petrol with just the tiniest hint of the more obvious hesitation of the single turbo. The 23 revs smoothly, with very little intrusion of diesel clatter into the cabin. One of the things I’ve noticed about diesel BMWs is that the engine noise is more muted than in the petrols, clearly because they don’t exactly have the same aural appeal. There’s the faintest of turbo whoosh and a bit of diesel thrum, but that’s it.

But, in the end, I don’t care whether I hear diesel thrum or not, because, like the 120d, this thing is a rocket. It is usefully faster in the mid-range and shrinks distances required for pulling out into traffic or moving through it over the 120d’s already impressive improvement over the petrol four cylinder. It’s a terrific engine and uses just a tenth or two more litres per 100km than the 120d and way less than an enthusiastically-driven petrol 120i.

The engine is coupled to the excellent 6-speed auto and with the M-Sport pack gets BMW’s idiotic paddle-shifters. Unlike the M-DCT which graces the M3 and the M5′s ageing SMG, the paddles mated to the automatics are hard to use and insist you push them away from you to shift down and pull towards you to shift up. It’s counter-intuitive and, frankly, stupid. They’re plastic, feel stiff and make a deeply ordinary noise when actuated. They work well enough but are not intuitive. Apparently DCT is going to start working its way down the range and it can’t come soon enough. The box itself is very smooth and is well-matched to the diesel, I don’t think the manual would be much fun with such a limited rev range and an engine that is happy to rev out to its modest 4500rpm redline. And I’m no fan of automatics.

Of course, there’s the dull stuff to cover. The car is very nicely put together and the materials used in the interior are reasonably pleasant. The 123d we had also had the Executive pack which includes sport seats, leather, a sunroof and other bits and bobs. The M-Sport pack also adds M-Sport sill plates and some very naff patterned trim where normally a nicer brushed aluminium look trim is to be found or nasty fake wood. The seats are very good if you aren’t too wide and have bolsters that can tighten around you to keep you nicely snug and held together. Storage is limited and if you add Professional sat-nav (outrageously priced) you get even less storage as the console bins/cupholders are replaced with the iDrive. The key is a fairly clever one and can raise and lower the windows remotely as well as open or close the sunroof. The stereo controls on the steering wheel also control your iPod/iPhone if you plug in using the (standard) USB port with the (bowel-wateringly expensive) USB cable.

The M-Sport pack, apart from the gorgeous wheels, adds a different front and rear bumper that adds a bit of aggression to the look of the car without ruining the lines.

So, obviously, I was quite smitten by the 123d. Moreover, the package itself has improved immensely over the past few years and given its impending demise in 2012, this came as a pleasant surprise. The time with the 123d made us want a third 1-series to add to the list and we’re wondering if we can get away with not moving into a 3 or shuffling sideways into a Golf GTD. Unless something financially spectacular happens and we can’t get a 330d, the 123d may just be our next car…with M-Sport pack.

I wish Xgrid had a purpose for mortals.

When I buy a ticket the sensible part of my brain knows that I’m not going to win anything, so I have to try to get my money’s worth of DREAMS. During the last couple of days I have been thinking about which GT car I would buy if I had more money than I could sensibly cope with.

The line-up so far is:

• The Aston Martin DB9 – to hell with what a certain opinionated editor thinks, this car is gorgeous. Sure, Aston Martin can only build one successful shape these days, but I could say exactly the same bloody thing about Porsche, and we love them to death too.

  

  The downside is that under all that beautiful coachwork is a monocoque that looks like it was designed in a shed.

• The Maserati GranTurismo S – not as pretty as the Aston (it looks a bit tubby from some angles), but that Ferrari engine sounds like a host of angels being rubbed down with sensuous oils and then set on fire. My God, it’s a beautiful noise.

  

  Of course, being made by Italians it will probably fall apart or catch on fire within the first year, so there’s that. But what a year it would be.

• The Porsche Panamera S – just as awkward to look at in the flesh as it appears in pictures, but it does grow on you (…somewhat) over time. Certainly you have to admire Porsche’s bravery, but every time they try to make something that isn’t a 911 something goes a bit wrong. The interior is so nice (I’ve driven one – writeup here) that I could possibly overlook the exterior, and they’re now available in Australia with a manual transmission thanks to Lachlan Murdoch.

  
  The downside to the Porsche, besides the awkward shape, is the least inspiring engine note of the lot.

Which Grand Tourer would you choose? Let me know in the comments, especially if you have a favourite that I haven’t mentioned.

Edit: the Panamera isn’t really a GT either, but until Porsche bring out the rumoured 2+2 version of the Panamera (which looks MUCH better on paper), it’s the closest thing they have.


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