I welcomed the new year by escaping the heat and hiding in a dark cinema.

First up, Atonement, with a serious female/blue-rinse-set crossover population. I sat next to somebody in her 70s and wondered what went through her head as a character typed ‘cunt’ in 50-ft high letters on the screen. I was encouraged to purchase bras, toasters, a holiday in South Africa and a partner through a dating site, amongst others. Film – 8/10. Crowd – 9/10, very quiet.

Next, The Darjeeling, Ltd – more Wes Anderson by numbers. A younger crowd, more pleasing outfits on the ladies. This time I was asked to buy a performance Mazda (too late, sirs), alcohol and other youth-oriented thingies. Film – 6/10. Crowd – 8/10.

The heat had vanished when I left. I’m hoping it doesn’t get this bad again until next Christmas – I can’t run the projector when it’s 35 degrees indoors!

Crump and I will probably be seeing Beowulf in 3D tonight. CGI boobies ftw!